


Be There

by mardi89



Category: Hercai
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Drama, Pining, Slow Burn, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-06-25 02:22:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19736416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mardi89/pseuds/mardi89
Summary: "Don’t ask if I’m happy, you know that I’m notBut at best, I can say I’m not sad‘Cause hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to haveHope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have"





	1. Maybe I’d get less stressed if I was tested less

**Author's Note:**

> Playlist -  
> hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have - but I have it - Lana Del Rey  
> Fortress - Bear’s Den  
> hostage - Billie Eilish  
> 10am Gare du Nord - Keaton Henson  
> I Found - Amber Run  
> You’re Gonna Be OK (Radio Edit) - Jenn Johnson  
> Earnestly Yours (feat. Ren Ford) - Keaton Henson (instrumental)  
> Be There - Seafret  
> Exit Music (For A Film) - Radiohead
> 
> I had this idea floating around in my head for a few weeks and it wouldn’t leave me alone so I made a playlist and wrote it all down. It’s my first Reymir fic, so be gentle!
> 
> Shoutout to fan vid makers because I wouldn’t have discovered half this music without the amazing videos you guys make.

**Her** **-**

She was running. Running away from everything she had ever known. She used to fantasize about doing this when she was a girl. Something always brought her back though. Missing her parents, her little sister, or fear of her hateful grandfather and his consequences. 

This time she had nothing to pull her back there. Sure, her parents and her sister were still there at the mansion where she grew up, but everything had changed. She wasn’t one of them. The more she thought about it the more it made sense really. How her grandfather treated her wasn’t acceptable, but she finally understood it. It was because she wasn’t a Şadoglu.

She had overheard Azat talking to her father, to Hazar. Tensions were high in the mansion after Azize Aslanbey seized their property and gave them a week to leave the mansion. At first she thought it was yet another pair of family members bickering, but when she got closer she realized it was far more serious. She pressed herself against the stone of the wall just out of sight of them and listened in even though she knew she shouldn’t. She had heard her name, so surely it was alright if she listened, besides, she was tired of the men in her family deciding her fate for her. She was expecting more of the same talk from them, but then she heard the words _orphan_ and _pregnant widow_ in conjunction with her and her mother’s names. She shook her head to clear it, and listened harder. Then her father confirmed it and her heart shattered for what felt like the millionth time. 

Her family, well the Şadoglu’s, had proven to be unsympathetic in her times of need, so she didn’t hesitate in fleeing. She slipped to her room, holding her tears at bay the whole way, and grabbed only one thing before disappearing to the stable. Mavi the horse was the only possession of theirs she wanted to take with her. Sometimes it felt like he was the only living thing in that god forsaken house that truly loved her. 

_There is another who truly loves you._

She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment to drown out the invasive thoughts, then saddled Mavi and led him out of the stable and on to the side street. 

Normally riding away from the mansion at a gallop made her feel free and happy. But she felt trapped in the moment when she learned her parents lied to her her whole life, it played on an endless loop in her mind. She let her tears fall, streaming down her face, drying in the wind that whipped her hair behind her in a dark ribbon. 

It would be a lie to say she didn’t mean to come here, but her frantic riding had felt aimless until she arrived. She let her breathing slow as Mavi trotted closer to the hut. She let him wander around to the back of the building before she dismounted. She hadn’t been here since Miran brought her here to show her what he had built for her, for them. Since she never looked at the back of the hut she didn’t know that he had also installed a post where she could tether her horse. Mavi must have smelled the oats stored in a specially built wooden box near the post because he went right over to it without hesitation. 

_He thought of everything._

_He really does know you, huh?_

She cracked a small smile in spite of her circumstances, and her tears ran down into the corners of her mouth. He knew she would come here, but he couldn’t have known why. Afterall, he had given her the key that day he brought her here. When he said that it was the only key, she trusted him. Just like when she said no to his proposal but told him that she wouldn’t give up on them, he trusted her. He kept his word and took her back home after that. 

He hadn’t tried to put himself in her path since that day, but he still kept in touch. Maybe he really was changing, learning from his mistakes. He wasn’t trying to control or possess her, but he wouldn’t give up, he wouldn’t let her forget how he felt about her. He texted her everyday, and she responded, short simple phrases at first, but longer more nuanced conversations flowed between them in the past two days. She forgot her phone back at the mansion and she cursed herself a little as she tied up Mavi and pulled the key out of it’s safe place hanging around her neck on a chain. It was just as well that her family couldn’t contact her though. She ran away for a reason.

She thought about how her family would be kicked out of the mansion that had been theirs for decades as she opened the door of her brand new cabin. They were all to be out by tomorrow morning or Azize would send her men to forcibly kick them out. She hoped that the drama would distract everyone from her disappearance, but she knew that come morning (or even before that) they would definitely know she was gone. 

She closed the door and walked around to the side of the bed closest to the sink and dresser. She sat down gingerly and stared at the spot where her wedding dress once hung. Miran probably took it out and put it in a safe place, away from the elements, but she sort of wished it was here to look at. Oddly it gave her good feelings. It was a symbol of a time when it was just them, when her love for him was true and pure, but it was also a symbol of all that was broken between them and how he mended it instead of throwing it away. It was a symbol of his love for her, just as this cabin was. 

She lay down on her side still facing the wall, her head cushioned on the soft white pillow. He hadn’t told her he loved her. Not the exact words anyway. 

_If you fall I will catch you. I will hold you tightly._

_If I can’t catch you I will jump right behind you._

_I want for you to live._

_I can’t bear to see you in pain._

_There is no other place for me than here._

_If there is no you, then there is no me._

_I did it for you, only you._

_If anything happens to you, I will die._

_I did the impossible for you._

_There is nothing Miran would not do for Reyyan._

_If you let me, I can rewrite this story from scratch._

He had said everything, _done_ nearly everything but what she wanted most. Normally she tried to forget about how badly he hurt her and how much she wanted to hear an apology from him. But today there was a bigger hurt in her heart, and this one hadn’t even begun to heal. It wouldn’t for quite some time.

She couldn’t help but think of how, had she and everyone else know that she wasn’t a Şadoglu, she wouldn’t have been subjected to the Aslanbey’s terrible revenge. If her parents had just been honest with her from the start none of this would have happened. She wouldn’t have felt so obligated to stay in that damned house with people that treated her like dirt her whole life. And the worst part was that it seemed the others knew, at least Azat did, and still they kept it from her. 

She screamed and sobbed and wept into her pillow until the sun set and all of her anger and sadness was drained. Her eyelids drooped and her heart slowed until she drifted off into a restless sleep.


	2. I closed my eyes And wrapped my arms around you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This is how it's meant to be  
> This is where we're supposed to be  
> I don't think anyone  
> Could ever love anyone  
> The way I love you  
> The way I love you”

He hadn’t heard from her all day. It was hard enough for him not seeing her, but when she went radio silent his patience completely disintegrated. He blew up her phone with texts and calls and even voicemails. For the past week since showing her the rebuilt hut and getting his proposal rejected he had tried his hardest to take a step back, give her space to think and room to breathe. He thought he was doing a pretty good job of it, for  _ him _ anyway, but all of his bad habits came back after only hours of not hearing from her.

It’s not like he didn’t have a right to worry. He lost count of how many times her life had been threatened. He  _ really _ didn’t want to think about it happening again, but at this point it was a very real possibility. It had taken everything in him to stay in his office and pretend to work for a full day instead of breaking down the Şadoglu’s door and demanding to know her whereabouts. 

_ She’s probably mad at you. You know how stubborn she is. _

_ Maybe her phone died or got lost? _

_ Maybe she died or got lost… _

His thoughts cycled between good and bad scenarios until by dusk he was dizzy with worry. He knew her family was set to move out of their konak the next morning and that it had become increasingly chaotic in her house. He knew because he had a man posted near the residence at all times. He knew what her coward grandfather was capable of and he wasn’t taking any chances, besides, he was a man of his word. His men were very reliable and would have informed him of any important comings or goings. Important meaning anything to do with Reyyan. 

But like they said, it had been  _ chaotic _ . Maybe they missed her leaving on her own. Afterall, she was extremely determined, and capable when she wanted to be. It was true that his men couldn’t watch every part of the house at every moment of the day. But if any hair on her head was harmed by a member of her family while his man was on watch, he would need to fear for his life. 

He grabbed the suit jacket off the back of his chair and pulled out his keys to lock up the office. He rushed to his car and had it unlocked before a better thought came to him. His car beeped as the doors locked once again and he stuffed his keys in his pants pocket as he walked briskly around the corner. 

He was glad he ditched his jacket in the car. Although it was nearly dark now, the heat from the day still lingered in the ground and it rose up to meet him as he walked. He rounded the corner and then he could see the side wall of the Şadoglu mansion. He wasn’t afraid to be caught in front of her house, not that he ever really had been, but now that he had the financial and intellectual upperhand on Nasuh he felt he could come and go as he pleased. 

A different kind of fear gripped him as he scaled the wall that led to the top floor of the konak, just as he did the day after she burned the hut and came back here hoping for mercy. Then he had Firat with him, to be his conscience when he couldn’t think straight. But now Firat wasn’t thinking straight and he was all alone in his quest to keep her safe. He told himself he would just look and listen for any sign of her location and then leave. No talking to Melike, no confronting Azat, no visiting Reyyan in an abandoned part of the house. It would be as if he’d never been there. 

When he made it to his perch he discovered that it was indeed chaotic in the konak. He squinted his eyes and honed his ears to make sense of some of the yelling that was going on. 

“Don’t tell me you don’t know! Don’t tell me you have nothing to do with this!” Hazar was screaming at his father and brother. 

_ At least his anger is directed in the right place, but what is the reason for it? _

“What are you saying Hazar? She gave up on the marriage with Azat. Why would I do anything to make her leave?” was Cihan’s poor attempt at defending himself. 

_ What did these assholes do? _

“She isn’t anywhere! Her phone, her purse, everything is still in her room. She left without a word to anyone, and you’re telling me she left on her own?!”

His eyes widened at Hazar’s words. Her father was often incapable, but he was always persistent and he loved his daughter. If he said she was gone, then she was. 

“You really think I’m worried about your devious daughter right now when I’m on the verge of losing the konak my father gave me?!”

“Don’t test my patience, baba! Where is she!”

He’d heard enough. If she wasn’t anywhere Hazar could find her, then he was going to take it upon himself to find her. He climbed back down to street level with shaking hands. This time his feet landed on the dusty ground near the stable. He cast a furtive glance to make sure no one was in sight before ducking into the darkness. It was rather small for a stable and it was immediately obvious that the large black horse, Mavi, was gone. 

_ Maybe she really did run. _

He was stuck between a sly smile for being proud of her cleverness and a worried furrowed brow for her rash action and disregard for her own safety. He didn’t know why she would run away, but he knew of a few places she might go. He made sure the coast was clear, then darted back into the main street, running all the way back to his car. 

_ Maybe she doesn’t want you to find her.  _

_ Maybe that rat bastard Nasuh was lying and she’s in a ditch somewhere. _

_ You know what happened the last time she ran away… _

The whole way to the cliff his brain pummeled him with scenarios. He fought back by repeating over and over that things were getting better between them and that he would know if she was dead, he would have felt it in his chest. But when he got out of his car and ran up the hill to look for her at their swing and didn’t find her, his heart dropped to his stomach. If she wasn’t pissed off at him or dead, that still left the possibility of her being lost, alone, or hurt. Panic rose in his throat and he felt his air being cut off the more he thought about what could be wrong. 

He ran panting back down the hill and whipped his car door open to sit down before he collapsed. He hoped he could berate himself later for being overdramatic, but right now all he could see in his mind’s eye was her sad scared face. He squeezed his eyes shut tight and forced himself to breathe through his nose and  _ think _ . There was only one other place that was  _ theirs _ , and he pleaded with God that he would find her there. 

When he finally reached the hut, night had fallen. As he rounded a bend his headlights flashed on something at the back of the building, a flicker of movement. He didn’t have a gun on him in case of danger, but it didn’t matter. He’d go to war for her with only his bare hands as weapons.

He got out of his car, already on alert, looking for her or any other signs of life near the hut. He checked to make sure no one was waiting to ambush him, then made his way to the porch. His paranoia was at such a fever pitch that when he heard a whinny from the back of the building he actually jumped back. He stood stock still for a second before it registered that the flicker of movement and soft neigh was probably Mavi, tied to his post, eating his oats. He breathed deeper than he had since the morning and took the steps two at a time.

As he approached he didn’t see any light or movement from inside. All was quiet. He expected the door to be locked, so when the handle gave way easily his panic returned. She had the only key, but why hadn’t she locked it from the inside? Why was it so eerily quiet?

All his carefully cultivated control was lost with the thought of her in danger. The door swung open and he rushed through without hesitation. His eyes darted around the room, searching for her, making sure nothing was out of place, and still adjusting to the darkness. Then he saw her. Her hair like the deepest river, running in rivulets across the white pillow. She was faced away from him laying on the bed, with no sign of movement. Surely she would have heard him burst in, but perhaps not if she was hurt. 

He ran fast but it felt like slow motion. He crawled across the bed to her on his knees, with no regard to the open door or his dirty shoes. He didn’t wait for a sign of movement or a sound from her before pulling at her shoulder to turn her to face him. It shocked him to see her frightened and bleary eyes. It took him a few seconds to realize how scary this might be for her, she was alone in a quiet cabin and now there was a man leaning over her with a death grip on her upper arm. He loosened his grip but didn’t move away.

“Reyyan? Iyi misin?”

She was still tense, but she was no longer afraid of him. Her eyes shone with tears.

“Ne oldu?” he couldn’t help but touch her face, her hair.

He was shocked again when she suddenly reached her arms around his neck and pulled herself into him. He braced himself with both hands flat on the mattress so he wouldn’t fall on her. She was weeping into his shoulder and holding him so tight. It took him a moment to school his thoughts. He should be comforting her, making sure she wasn’t hurt somewhere, but her proximity filled his lungs with air and their position on the bed gave him such vivid flashbacks that he became light headed. 

He pushed himself up and turned so he was sitting against the headboard, bringing her with him. The way she didn’t pull away when he wrapped his right arm around her back, and how she kept her arms locked around his neck let him know that something serious must have happened to her. He wanted to look at her face, check her for injuries, but she was sitting here in his lap, safe and whole, so he stayed still and selfishly absorbed the feeling of her in his arms. 

After a while his worry overrode his selfish desires. 

“Reyyan?” he whispered into her hair.

_ You’re scaring me. _

_ What happened?  _

_ Please let me help you.  _

_ I need to see your face. _

And as if she could read his mind, she slowly loosened her grip and pulled away to look at him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see a few hits, so YAY! Don't hesitate to comment and let me know what you think.


	3. And nothing hurts when I'm alone, When you're with me and we're alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I wanna be alone  
> Alone with you - does that make sense?  
> I wanna steal your soul  
> And hide you in my treasure chest”

She was sure she looked terrible, eyes red and puffy from too much crying, but she also knew that he wanted to see her, to know what happened. She pulled away enough to let him see her, but she didn’t look at him or move from her spot on his lap. The Reyyan from this morning would find it shameful, her wrapped up in him, on a bed, _alone_ . But that girl didn’t know what was going to happen to her, and she couldn’t admit that maybe Miran was the only person that truly _knew_ her. 

When she finally looked up at him she could see that _he_ didn’t find anything shameful. He did look appropriately concerned, but she could tell by the flush of his cheeks that he had some inappropriate thoughts too. He sort of always looked at her like he wanted to eat her, so she became somewhat used to it. But now he was looking at her with such _love_ , like they were both exactly where they were always meant to be. 

“Reyyan. What happened?” he tilted his head down to hers and brushed a few curls away from her face. 

He was calmer than he ever had been after finding her when she ran away, and she knew it was because she reached out to him for comfort instead of running or picking a fight. He deserved an answer.

“Me and Mavi ran away from home.” she wasn’t ready to say the truth out loud yet.

He smiled like he couldn’t help it. 

“I noticed. And you left your phone at home too.” _I missed you. I worried about you._

“I’m sorry. I left kind of suddenly.” _I didn’t mean to ignore you. I didn’t mean for you to worry._

“Will you tell me why?” _Who hurt you? What did they do?_

She bit her lip and nodded, looking up at him from under wet lashes. His hand shook as he brushed her tears with his thumb and she knew it was from restraining himself. The old Miran would have been screaming, accusing, hitting things, demanding answers. But this Miran was trying to be better for her. He wasn’t making it about his feelings, so she felt comfortable enough to share hers.

“I overheard Azat Abi talking to Babam this morning.” she began quietly.

She felt his whole body tense when she said _his_ name, but he clenched his jaw and kept quiet.

“I’m-. They said that I’m-. My father isn’t my real father. They lied to me my whole life.” she had to pause between sentences as the full meaning of her words hit her.

He would have taken a step back if he hadn’t been sitting on the bed with her as he was. She could feel his body recoil in shock. Her eyes were locked on his. He was searching for truth in hers and he found it. 

“You’re not a Şadoglu.” he whispered more to himself than to her. 

“No. I’m no one.” she looked down at her fingers fiddling with the fabric of her dress.

“Everything I did, all the pain I caused you was for a lie.” he was processing out loud.

“My whole life is a lie, Miran. I never belonged anywhere, and now I know why.” she knew she was being pitiful, but she had a right to be. 

“You belong here, with me.” he put her hand on his chest and held it, right over his heart. 

She felt heat fill her chest at his words and his close proximity. She could feel his heart thundering in his chest, not scared this time, but _sure_. She needed to move away before she did something stupid and rash. She averted her eyes and thought up an excuse.

“I’m a little thirsty. Um, could I- Could you help-” she was hastily trying to pull her hand back, but he wasn’t letting go.

“Yes.” he was still holding her, still staring at her in that way he did. 

_He doesn’t even know what he’s saying yes to. Şapşal._

She ripped her hand out of his grasp, but she threw herself off balance a little. He caught her by the arm and helped her climb off his lap and stand on the floor, all with that wolfish look on his face. She was torn between slapping the look off his face or kissing him until he couldn’t breathe let alone make stupid faces. 

_Get a grip. This is just because you haven’t seen him for a week and you just found out your whole family has lied to you your whole life. He looks good in comparison._

He just looked good period. 

She straightened the skirt of her midi length floral dress and aggressively brushed her hair away from her face and tried not to think about it. She marched to the stove to busy herself with making tea, but she could hear him get up from the bed and walk toward her. He moved to the left of her to light the lamp closest to the kitchen. She closed her eyes after she filled the kettle with water, hoping he wouldn’t approach her but praying for it all the same. She felt him hover behind her for just a moment before retrieving glasses and saucers from the shelf.

She set the water to boil while he shut the door (and locked it), lit a few more lamps, and opened some windows to let in the night breeze. She filled the glasses he got down for her and he carried them over to the small table in the middle of the room. Her anklet jingled quietly around her bare leg as she walked over to the chairs facing the fireplace. He was already sitting in the chair closest to the door, holding his tea, but he wouldn’t dare drink it before she sat down and joined him. She picked up her tea and blew on it a little before glancing over at him and taking a sip. The corners of his mouth turned up and he took his sip. 

“How is it you know exactly how I like my tea?” he liked to compliment her when she was upset.

She smiled in spite of the obvious ploy. “I didn’t think you were all that picky.”

“I never used to be. But now I’ve tasted the best and I can’t have it any other way.”

She knew he wasn’t just talking about tea. _Shameless_. 

She rolled her eyes and blatantly ignored his innuendo. “I just wish I had something to go with it. There’s no food here.”

He gulped the sip he just took and hastily set his cup down to get up out of his seat. 

“Miran? What- Where are you going?” she tried and failed to keep the panic out of her voice. 

“What would you like? I’ll go and get it for you. There must be a gas station or something still open-” he had his phone out already searching.

“Don’t leave. Please?” she would have giggled at his earnestness if she wasn’t so afraid of being left alone. 

He stopped dead and looked from his phone into her eyes. She hadn’t asked him to stay with her since that fateful morning. He gulped and put his phone down on the small table next to his tea. He sat back down and they quietly finished their drinks, staring at the fireplace as if there were a fire roaring, but there wasn’t. 

The fire was inside them, between them. That tension that never could quite be extinguished between them was burning again. She felt a sense of comfort having him near, but that fear was still there. The fear that he would leave her, hurt her again. The fear that he would break down her very last shakily built wall and take her heart hostage. 

It was quite late and even though she slept earlier, it wasn’t restful. She got up to take her cup to the counter and she felt him copy her movements behind her. He hesitated for a moment before stepping close behind her and reaching to place his cup next to hers. His breath whispered against her hair and his arm brushed against hers. She gently closed her eyes and inhaled the nearness of him. Her heart raced and her eyes fluttered open as she spun quickly to face him. 

“It’s late. We should go to bed.”

When his eyes moved from her lips to her eyes and she saw the shock in them she realized what she had said. 

“I- I mean sleep.”

He was still frozen in alarm, hope radiating in his eyes even as he nodded in agreement and understanding. 

He took a step back to allow her to walk toward the bed and she instantly felt more clear headed.

“There are sleep clothes for you in the top drawer.” he gestured to the dresser against the wall.

“What? Really?”

“Yes, of course. Did you think I would leave it empty? I want you to feel at home here.”

A small smile crept on her face as she turned to look in the dresser drawers. Not only were there pajamas in the top drawer, but when she opened the other drawers she found new dresses, a robe, slippers, and even a few pairs of plain looking undergarments. She blushed at the sight of the last items and quickly chanced a glance at him. He cast his eyes down in embarrassment, but the small smirk on the corner of his mouth gave away his feeling of pride. She removed a pair of pajamas and the slippers before turning to fully face him. 

“Thank you.” her cheeks rounded in a grin. 

“I’m glad you like them.” his smile was so beautiful.

Awkwardness returned to her when she considered where to change. She just stood there biting her lips with her arms full of clothes until he said something.

“I’ll sleep out on the porch?” he tilted his head in the direction of the door as he spoke. 

“Okay.” she wasn’t sure if she meant to agree or not.

He moved toward the door and opened it. 

“Do you have your key?” he said, standing in the open doorway.

She nodded.

“Good. I want you to lock the door behind me, so I know you’re safe.”

She nodded again. 

Why did this feel like a farewell when he was only going to sleep on the porch? She approached him slowly, shifting her things into her left arm so she could touch the inner doorknob with her right hand. He stood like a statue with his left hand on the outside doorknob as she came closer to him. She tilted her chin up so she could meet his hazel eyes.

“Goodnight.” _Thank you. Stay close to me. Don’t go._

“Goodnight.” he said breathlessly, as if he knew what she really wanted to say. 

She quietly shut and locked the door as he had asked. She could hear his footsteps as he walked across the porch to the bench to sit down while she pulled the gauzy white curtains across the windows. As she undressed she looked at the silhouette of him, sitting just outside. A memory of their wedding night flashed in her mind, but she pushed it away before it could bring with it any ardor or terror. 

She dressed in the same sleep clothes that he gave to her in Urfa. It made her feel closer to him, knowing that the last time she wore them he was asleep next to her. As she slipped the thin white shirt over her head she could smell the scent of her own floral soap and she knew he hadn’t washed them. Maybe he wanted to preserve their time there in any way he could. The thought comforted her as she peeled back the sheets and crawled in bed, properly this time, to go to sleep. 

She lay facing the door this time though, just in case she caught a glimpse of him before she fell asleep. She couldn’t see his shadow anymore so she assumed he had made himself a bed with the cushions out there. Another memory, this time a happier one from Urfa, came to her mind. She shut her eyes and saw herself covering him with a blanket, but this time when he pulled her down to him she went willingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	4. And this is the world as I see it now, Turns out that nothing is fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Endless distraction, you worry me  
> But I'm trying to figure out how  
> You don't have to make any promises, love  
> I'm afraid I might die for you now  
> And I'd kill just to watch as you're sleeping  
> I hope that you'll let me, in time  
> You don't have to call me yours, my love  
> Damn it, I'm calling you mine!”

It took him a while to get comfortable out on the porch. Not because the cushions were uncomfortable or because he was outside under the stars, but because his mind was restless. Her beauty and proximity had momentarily dulled his senses, so what she told him hadn’t really sunk in yet. 

_ “My father isn’t my real father. They lied to me my whole life.” _

She was not Hazar’s daughter. The revenge that consumed his whole life was for nothing. He knew that already of course. Revenge destroyed them both; their lives, their relationship, everything they ever thought they wanted. He already knew that he regretted it, that it didn’t serve to cool his heart or clear his head. But now that he knew he hurt her, when it all could have been prevented, when things could have been  _ so _ different, it made him furious.

_ Who else knows? Who else  _ has  _ known? Who has been lying to her, to  _ us  _ our whole lives? _

She implied that her whole family knew. If that many people could live every day next to her and not tell her, then what else were they hiding? Hazar implied that he knew more about his mother and how she was treated by the Aslanbeys than he was told. Sultan said outright that his father abused his mother, but then back peddled. He knew he was missing pieces of the puzzle, but now he didn’t even know what the puzzle is supposed to look like. 

Nasuh and Azize knew things. They were the only ones alive that knew what happened the night his parents died. His whole life he believed that the Şadoglus would lie to him. And even though they had lied to Reyyan, which he couldn’t forgive them for, they had been more forthcoming than his own family. This only served to confuse and frustrate him further. 

He didn’t know who to believe. He had no one to trust, and it seemed no one trusted him. Except for  _ her _ .

He was lost, but Reyyan was his true north. If he followed her, he knew he’d find his way. 

She’d been through Hell,  _ he’d  _ put her through Hell, and yet here she was. Life had never treated her fairly, but today was an especially difficult one for her. She must have felt so alone in the world, and the one place she thought to go, a place to hide and feel safe, was the one he built for her. He thought about how she didn’t hesitate to put her arms around him and use him for comfort, for  _ strength _ . He was honored that she trusted him. Hers was the only opinion that mattered anymore. Hers was the only love he longed for now. 

The crunch of tires on gravel interrupted his reverie. He wasn’t asleep, but had reached a decent level of contentment after the intense stresses of the evening. He had somewhat made peace with knowing he didn’t really know anything. But the car approaching their little piece of solitude was just the physical representation of other’s thoughts and agendas encroaching on their lives. And he had a pretty good idea who it was encroaching on their lives right now. 

He wasn’t surprised to see Hazar’s car pull in close behind his, then jerk to a stop. He sat up slowly as he watched the older man whip open then slam shut his door. He rose and took measured steps toward the locked door as Hazar hastily marched toward the front steps. 

“You!” Hazar had his gun pointed accusingly at him, but he stood sentinel in front of her door. 

He wasn’t armed, but wasn’t worried about it. Mostly he didn’t think the old man had the guts to shoot him, but he didn’t really care if he did. His purpose was virtuous, and if he died in the line of duty, so be it. 

“Why is it always you?” Hazar said as he climbed the stairs, pointing the gun the whole time.

He raised his eyes to the heavens to ask for some patience before bringing them back down to look Hazar straight in the face, daring him to continue.

“I’m going to take her home, and you’re going to let me.” the metal of the gun tinked against the metal of the rings he wore around his neck as the older man shakily held the gun against his chest. 

He was visibly upset, probably riddled with worry from looking for her most of the day and night. 

“I will not allow you to take her anywhere. You have no right to.” his voice was deadly calm, then accusing. 

Something like realization flashed through Hazar’s eyes before he straightened his arm and jabbed the gun into his chest again.

“How dare you, of all people, say that to me. As if you have a right to her.”

“No. I don’t, and you don’t. She chose to come here. And I am choosing to protect her choice.”

“You, thinking you are protecting her. After all you’ve done?” Hazar accused. 

“All I’ve done? I built this place for her, I gave her the only key, I told her to lock the door behind me. I am doing a better job of protecting her than you ever did.” both rage and pride glowed in his eyes. 

“Enough! Step aside so she doesn’t have to see her father become a murderer.” Hazar was resolved.

“No.” and so was he. 

The older man took a breath and took a step back to take aim. As he defiantly stared him down, he couldn’t help but notice, even in darkness, how similar Hazar’s eyes were to the ones he saw every day in the mirror. 

All coherent thought left him as the shattering sound of the gun firing rung in his ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter one, but good new is I have all other chapters planned out so they will be easier to write.


	5. And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I'll use you as a warning sign  
> That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind  
> And I'll use you as a focal point  
> So I don't lose sight of what I want  
> And I've moved further than I thought I could  
> But I missed you more than I thought I would”

Her eyelids flew open at a sudden and ear splitting sound. She felt fear seep into her bones from she knew not what, but she was paralyzed in bed waiting for  _ something _ . Her eyes found the door and the window next to it.  _ Miran _ . 

She heard it again. A gunshot. 

_ No! _

She ripped the covers off her body and stumbled to the floor on shaky legs.

“Miran!” she rasped a scream as she ran to the door.

Her hands shook as she twisted the lock, panic and the last dregs of sleep making it difficult to open. When she heard the click she whipped the door open to run outside. If she were in her right mind she would have thought about how reckless it was to run toward gunfire, or about how contradictory it was to want to rescue a man who left her for dead. But she wasn’t in her right mind so her heart ruled instead. 

She expected to be met with some horrifying scene, but she was instead met with a strong back and wide shoulders. She gasped when she collided with the back of him. It took her a moment to register that he wasn’t lying on the cold ground in a puddle of his own blood, but standing right there in front of her. He reacted much quicker, moving his arms out from his sides to shield and prevent her from going any further toward danger. 

“Miran?” she whispered as she ran her palms over the muscles in his back, searching for wounds. 

“Stay back, inside.”

She was about to ask what the hell was going on, when she saw her father, or rather  _ Hazar _ , standing directly in front of them. He had his right arm extended to the side, the gun still hot in his hand. She quickly deduced that he had come for her and met with opposition. In the past she would have felt relieved; that no one was hurt, that her father had come to get her. Now she was just  _ angry.  _ What right did every single man in her life have to squabble over her and wave their guns around? She was sick of being treated like a little lamb; shepherded around, sold to the highest bidder, sacrificed to the lion. That’s what they thought of her. That she was a young, innocent, stupid creature that needed protecting or directing. She’d had enough.

“Miran, let me through.” her anger fueling her determination.

“Kuzum? I’m here. We can go home.” Hazar met her eyes and lowered his gun, the hard look on his face melted into relief as he put his gun away.

“Miran.” she uttered his name like a plea as she placed her hand on his shoulder in reassurance.

He hesitantly stepped to the side to let her through, but remained close. The lamb had tamed the lion. 

“Babam? Come, your mother and I have been worried sick.” Hazar reached out for her hand, but she moved back and stared at him even more intensely.

“I’m not going anywhere.” her voice was firm and his face was crestfallen.

“Because of him?” Hazar’s eyes shifted to Miran before returning to her. 

She shook her head.

“Because of  _ me _ . Because I want to be here. Because I don’t want to live in that house anymore.” tears were threatening to fall but she stubbornly held them back.

“Daughter, what happened? I-”

“Don’t call me that!” the force of her words stunned both men. 

“I don’t-” 

“I’m not your daughter. I heard you and Azat this morning. Does everyone know? Has  _ everyone  _ been lying to me my whole life?”

“Reyyan, I...We wanted to tell you.”

“But you didn’t. You let me believe that those horrible people where my family. That I should love them, that they would protect me, that they were the honor I should die for.” her tears spilled out, but she didn’t care.

Both men stood in shameful silence. The guilt of what they had done to her, and  _ not  _ done for her sat stagnant around them like a fog. 

“I’m not going back. Don’t try to find me again.” the heat from her cheeks dried each of her tears as they rolled down. 

Hazar must have understood just from the look in her eyes, because he didn’t try to fight or argue or defend himself. He blinked back a few tears and then lowered his head before turning and walking down the steps. 

She kept her back straight and her face stern as she watched her father walk back to his car and drive off down the dirt road, back to the only home she had ever known. Her tears came faster the further he went until he was gone and she couldn’t breathe. 

But Miran was there. 

He had been there for her in times, and in  _ ways _ that no one else had. She had been told so many lies that it was hard to decipher what was real,  _ true _ . He was real. He was the one who caught her before she collapsed on the porch. His heart beat against her chest was the truth. 

He was hugging her tight, holding her up really, and she could feel herself calming. When she had calmed enough he stepped back a little to look at her face. He brushed her tears away and held her face like he had many times before. She looked into the eyes of the man who ruined her life and saw the man who had put it back together again, who still was. She chose to come here, she confronted her father, she chose to stay. And he chose  _ her _ . Over and over again he proved with his actions that she was his priority, over everything. 

“Stay with me?” she whispered.

“Yes. Always.” he answered.

She reached for his hand and led him inside their cabin.


	6. Hold on, don’t let go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know it's all you've got to just be strong  
> And it's a fight just to keep it together, together  
> I know you think that you are too far gone  
> But hope is never lost, hope is never lost”

He felt a little awkward and nervous and he wasn’t quite sure why. It was everything he had hoped for since he betrayed her and realized how deeply he loved her: she asked him to stay, she pulled him inside with her, she wanted to spend the night with him. His heated blood was rushing from his head to pool in his stomach and lower. Her small hand in his felt so right, like it always had. But something felt  _ wrong.  _ He hated to see her sad or in pain, and today it was her family’s doing, but he knew that he was mostly to blame.  __

“Reyyan? Can I say something?”

She turned to face him but didn’t let go of his hand. They were in the middle of the room now, a few steps from the bed. He’d never been so glad for her to hold his hand than this moment. 

“I’m sorry.” Yes, his timing was terrible, but he just couldn’t go on in whatever kind of relationship she wanted to have with him without apologizing.

“What?” she looked happily surprised, yet confused at the same time.

“I’m sorry.” he took her other hand in his so he could have both and so she faced him fully.

Her chocolate eyes shone with tentative hope.

“I’m sorry for what you had to go through today. I’m sorry for all the lies. I’m sorry for betraying your trust. I’m sorry that I left you. I regret every horrible thing I did to you.”

She blinked faster as tears came to her eyes but she remained silent and motionless.

“You are the kindest person I’ve ever met. You have the purest soul. You above all people deserve happiness. I regret every last thing I did that made you cry, even this.”

She chuckled a little through her tears and he smiled as he wiped the drops with his thumb. 

“I meant what I said earlier, that you belong here.” he brought her hand up to his heart. “With me. I want you to know that  _ this  _ is what’s leading me now, not anyone or anything else.”

He wanted her to choose him, more than he wanted anything in his life, more than he wanted revenge. But he wanted it to be entirely her choice, with no lies, everything on the table, and no begging. Only then could he live a full life, free from regret or guilt or shame. Admitting his faults and apologizing to her, telling her she was everything he wanted; it was the most vulnerable he’d ever been. But that was part of living with no regrets, living life on his terms.

“I belong here?” she flattened her palm over his heart and pressed so she could feel it beat against her skin.

“Yes.” he whispered while anticipation made his pulse race. 

“Then come with me?” she grabbed the hand that was on top of hers and pulled him with her toward the bed.

He gulped and took one step forward before he regrettably had to stop her to head back to the door to lock it and toe off his shoes. But she came with him, holding his free hand while he made sure they were safe. When he was ready she smiled softly at him and gently tugged on his arm. He had such a vivid vision then, of her greeting him when he came home from work and taking him to their bed, that he could swear it was a premonition.

He filled with elation and anticipation as she led him to the bed. His overwhelming desire for her battled with his self control with every step he took. His arms shook with the effort of remaining loose and not tightening themselves around her waist. His palms itched to touch her hair, hold her face, pull her against him. 

She brought him around to the side of the bed she was sleeping on before the dramatic interruption, and motioned for him to get in. He had no idea what she wanted or how far she was going to take this so he slid in under the covers, still fully clothed. She made a move to get in under the covers too, so he slid over to make room for her. She smiled cheekily at his stiffness and gently pushed his shoulders so he would lie down. Her smiling face hovering over him, her wavy hair falling around them like a curtain, it was like every beautiful dream he’d ever had. Then she lay down too, but pulled herself under his arm so she could rest her head on his chest. 

Images from their wedding night haunted his mind, as they often did. But back in the place where they first made love, in the bed he bought for them, the images blurred with reality and it took everything in him to control himself. He looked down and her peaceful sleepy face, just as he did that fateful night. But this time his internal struggle was of a different nature entirely. She flattened her right palm on his chest, over his heart. _I belong here?_ _Yes._

Instead of lying awake staring out at the night sky wishing morning would never come and hating himself with a fire he never knew existed, like he did that first night with her, he softly shut his eyes, tightened his right arm around her shoulders, and basked in the feeling of peace she radiated and the weight of her beautiful head on his shoulder. 

Sleep always came to him so easily when she was with him, the feeling of completeness in his soul lulling him into a deep and restful slumber. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't have a super specific vision for this chapter, and it didn't turn out how I anticipated, but I actually really like it. It's probably unrealistic for Miran to apologize, but it's called fiction for a reason!


	7. 'Cause I can't be without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You've got me surrounded  
> It feels like I'm drowning and I don't want to come up for air  
> I lost everything, I threw myself in and you took me where no one was there  
> Well you can take what you need, take the air that I breathe and I'll give away all that I own  
> Whatever I lose, is put back by you in a way that you'll never know”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I normally go every other chapter switching perspectives but it just wasn’t working for this song to be for Reyyan, so let’s just say that the instrumental song before this one is her sleeping peacefully. :)

He woke up in a panic. In the handful of times he slept next to her the only time she didn’t get up before he did was the morning he left her. But even his violent shudder and racing heartbeat couldn’t wake sleeping beauty. Her curls seemed messier even though she was still nestled into his chest where she fell asleep. Her skin glowed from it’s natural oils and restful sleep. He’d never seen a more beautiful sight. 

He couldn’t help but be reminded of their night in Urfa, and how beautiful she looked in the morning light. It was scarcely two weeks since then, but so much had changed. The one thing that remained constant was his willingness to die right here, right next to her, with her sleeping beside him. He much preferred to think of them dying of old age, passing away in their sleep in each other’s arms. But if he was being realistic they would die much younger, he would at least, a casualty in the war between their families. 

Morbid thoughts scattered and were replaced with more pleasant ones when he felt her stir and heard her soft sounds of waking. He absolutely could not control his body’s response to her, and he would be more embarrassed if she hadn’t already witnessed it. Selfish opportunistic Miran resurfaced since the previous night’s dramatic but ultimately favorable events. This Miran wasn’t ashamed of what her body did to his, but was hopeful that she had a similar response. 

If she did, she kept it well hidden. When she woke and found his eyes on her she smiled shyly. He couldn’t help but think about the morning after their wedding, that this was how it should have been. And he suspected she was thinking the same thing, based on the look in her eyes. Now he had a chance to change it, to really start from scratch, rewrite their story from the beginning.

She bit her lip in adorable embarrassment as she pulled away from him to get up. He wanted so badly to tighten his grip around her shoulder and pull her back in to him, but he let her go. This was part of the new Miran, part of starting over with her. He would take things at her pace, give her control, let her decide. He watched her slide out from under the soft white covers and tip toe over to the dresser to choose new clothes for the day. He was still in his rumpled things from the day before, but he didn’t care. If he could just watch her gracefully move about their cabin for the rest of his life he would be a happy man. 

He didn’t want to move from his spot on the bed, for multiple reasons, but when she turned around with an armful of clothes and a sheepish look on her face, he knew that was his cue to step out. He got out of the opposite side of the bed and stooped to grab his shoes before turning around and casting a glance in her direction. His flirty smirk must have worked on her because a genuine smile bloomed on her face, and she looked down at the floor in a demure way. He smiled his genuine smile as he looked at her for one second more before turning and heading out the door. He shut it firmly behind him and sat on the bench to tie his shoes. 

A few minutes later she stepped out onto the porch and took his breath away. She had washed her face and tied her hair back so it was half up and half down. The floral print of the indigo colored dress she wore suited her wavy hair and warm brown eyes perfectly. She looked younger, or freer maybe. Her eyes sparkled when she looked down at him, wrinkled shirt and all, and he thought not for the first time that day, that he was maybe the luckiest man in the world. 

“Where to Reyyan Hanim?”

She sat down next to him on the bench instead of answering.

“Or not. We don’t have to go anywhere. I mean, YOU don’t have to go anywhere-”

“I’ve been thinking.”

He stared at her and felt the heat from her hand placed on his burn his skin in a pleasant way.

“If we’re going to stay here, we’ll need some things. And I’d kind of like to pick them out?”

“You don’t have to ask. I’ll take you wherever you want to go. Buy whatever you’d like.” 

He knew he was being over eager and she giggled a little at him for it, but his wish was coming true before his eyes. 

“I only want to get some basic foods, maybe some more tea, bottles of water…”

“Yes of course. Anything.”

He captured her hand in his and stood to lead her to his car. 

Walking around the bazaar hand in hand with her felt so natural, like the past few months had never happened, like he had never gone through with the revenge and they were just newlyweds doing their weekly shop. He didn’t take it for granted though. The novelty of her willingly holding his hand, looking at him so beautifully again, would never wear off. Every time she handed him a new bag to carry or asked him about his food preferences he promised himself to do everything in his power to keep her this happy always. 

“I think I will make white bean stew tonight. Wait, do I have everything?” 

She paused to peak in a few of the bags he was carrying, and he couldn’t help but smile down at her affectionately.

_ She wants me. _

_ She’s going to cook for me, and stay in the same house with me. In the same bed with me... _

His pleasant thoughts were disrupted by a commotion in the square. She didn’t stop her search but he lifted his head to look, on alert for any danger. He overheard the whispers of the townspeople around them. He heard his surname, and hers, words like  _ marriage _ and  _ enmity _ , then concerned gasps, followed by silence. 

By the time he saw what the whispers were about it was too late. 


	8. I can't do this, Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now  
> We are one  
> In everlasting peace  
> We hope that you choke  
> That you choke  
> We hope that you choke  
> That you choke  
> We hope  
> That you choke  
> That you choke”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger warning* If you are sensitive to any sort of R rated material read with caution.   
> I listened to the referenced song as well as "Liebestod" from Richard Wagner's ballet of Tristan & Isolde while writing this last chapter. 
> 
> https://youtu.be/SiMT1PJDHw0
> 
> Blame Baz Luhrmann. ;)

The first thing she became aware of was how tense he was, but her mind was running in recipes and checklists and Miran being tense wasn’t enough of an oddity to register in that moment. Then she noticed how the chattering of the busy square had died down to a deafening hush. She looked up from their shopping bags to see the townspeople parting like the Red Sea and Nasuh Şadoglu charging through like Ramses on his chariot. She had no time to react. There were no words to shout or questions to ask, and no fear for her own wellbeing. 

The shopping bags dropped to the ground with a dull thud. Why she registered that sound before the ringing of the bullet leaving the barrel of the gun, she had no idea. All she thought of in that moment was  _ him _ . She turned in time to see him begin his descent, in hazy slow motion, to the ground at her feet. She screamed then, in fear of him hitting his head on the hard ground, the idea of a bullet lodged inside him still a distant specter. 

The sound of his skull cracking against the cobblestone made her knees buckle, all the air whooshing out of her lungs as she collapsed next to him. Her shaking hands hovered over him everywhere, the signals between her brain and body short circuiting. Awareness began to creep back in as the silence around her became a wall of gasps and shouts that caged her in. She felt as if she were at the center of the universe and the lowest pit of Hell simultaneously. 

Then something clicked. A calmness came over her. She looked straight into Miran’s eyes, knowing the importance of it, knowing it would be the last time she saw him alive. She read every emotion in them, memorized every freckle in his irises, counted every tear that dropped on his cheekbone. 

Before he closed his stormy hazel eyes for the last time she whispered so only he could hear.

“I love you.”

And she swore she saw the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile as his soft lashes came down to lock his eyes away from hers forever. 

The strange calmness still possessed her, even as fat tears dripped down her face in a never ending stream. Her brain and her body still disconnected somewhere. She didn’t know which it was, brain or body, that decided to stand and face the man who had never been her grandfather. The crowd around them grew even louder as news spread further afield, but it was just static in her ears. Her focused narrowed, to an old man and his shaky hand on a shiny gun.

She snatched the weapon from him with an ease and speed she didn’t know she possessed. The gasp from the crowd was a blip on the radar, her ears still hearing only a deafening buzz. When she dropped down beside her love and raised the gun to her temple the reception cut out and she was left in blissful silence. The only sound was that of her breath and the click of the gun as she cocked it to fire again. 

She looked up into the eyes of the man that had tortured her her whole life, who wanted to kill her. Instead he had killed the only person on Earth who had ever fought for her. He had taken all she had left. All of this for a blood feud. For something that happened almost 30 years ago. Kidnapping, lies, bloodshed, and sullied honor. What had it lead to? More of the same. The actions of the generation before them had nearly destroyed their lives, and now it had taken Miran’s life altogether.

She would end it. She would break the cycle. How could they fight over her honor like stray dogs over meat if she was no longer here? 

Police sirens rang in the background, growing louder with each second as they came closer and closer to the scene. But they came in vain. 

She closed her eyes then, her thoughts shifting over to being reunited with her love. She found his heart with her left hand, the blood still warm on the fresh wound. Her very last breath was his name leaving her lips. 

********************************************************************************************************

Beautiful in death, as they were in life, Miran and Reyyan lay together in everlasting peace in the very same square that was the epicenter of their families enmity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn’t sure how to end this and this song (written for the 1996 Romeo+Juliet) was always the last song of the playlist, so it seemed fitting. DON’T COME FOR ME, but I’d kinda like a dramatic ending for Reymir on the show, as long as they die in each other’s arms and their families learn from their ways of course.


End file.
